


Longing

by CrystalNavy



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 18:36:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19409041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalNavy/pseuds/CrystalNavy
Summary: Fingolfin has a dark secret, one he had shared with Finarfin only: he is in love with someone he could never have, and the person he desires above all else is already married.





	Longing

Feanor and Nerdanel looked happy, radiant. The warmth of the lanterns overhead covered them with warm glow. Fingolfin just stared at them as if he was just doused with cold water. Finarfin laid a hand onto his brother's shoulders.

"Don't be upset." Finarfin advised "Destiny had other plans."

"It seems everything I want is slipping out of my reach." Fingolfin whispered bitterly

Feanor and Nerdanel approached them.

"There is so much of this world to see." Feanor beamed "And as long as Nerdanel is with me, the view will be a hundred times better."

"Well, as long as it makes you happy." Fingolfin said

Nerdanel, Feanor and Finarfin all noticed the shift in his tone and demeanor, however.

"Be careful, brother." Finarfin warned "You don't want to ruin their happiness, do you?"

"It's pointless." Fingolfin said, gulping down the rest of his wine "My affections will not be requited. Why should anyone else have happiness when I can't?"

Then he walked out, not noticing the concern on their faces.

-x-

The sword pointed at his heart, burning like thousand suns.

He looked at Feanor, who held the other end, calmly.

He remained stoic in the face of Feanor's wrath, and didn't express his true feelings in any way.

Then he walked away, not looking back.

-x-

He was present during the judgment at Mahanaxar, of course. Many others were.

He listened as the Valar pronounced his brother's exile, which would be over in twelve years, and then his crime would be redeemed if someone released him from guilt.

Fingolfin was ready to do so and made his intentions known. Mandos had nodded, as if knowing what was within his heart.

He courted Anaire from then on, and once the year had passed, he wed her in a grand public ceremony.

All in an effort to hide the truth of his affections from the world.

She bore him three kids, which he allowed her to have for the sake of misleading the world further.

Fingon, Turgon and Aredhel were fine kids, and he raised them well.

When Fingon and Aredhel befriended his brother's kids, he saw it as an opportunity to get closer to the subject of his affections, so he encouraged their pursuits.

-x-

When the news came of their father's death, Fingolfin was sad.

But Feanor......Feanor was lost. He heard Feanor's cry, a wail of a wounded animal, and saw him run into the night.

"Get ready." Fingolfin told his children "We're traveling light, so pack only the things which are absolutely necessary."

"I am not going." Anaire said quietly "I know to whom your heart truly belongs with, and I don't want to get between you two."

"Thank you." Fingolfin said sincerely

-x-

"Where is Feanor?" Fingolfin asked "I would like to have a word with him."

"He is dead." Maglor replied grimly "Gothmog the Balrog killed him. We all saw it happen."

And Fingolfin's world had shattered.

He crossed Helcaraxe on foot for nothing. Turgon lost his wife for nothing.

Idril had lost her mother for nothing.

"Damn you, Feanor!" he yelled at the skies "Do our losses mean nothing to you?"

And he fell to his knees, weeping.


End file.
